So if you have been following along with my blog over the past few months, many of you know how transparent I have been about this year. Its been one of the hardest years of my life. Some things I have not shared and others I have been very open about. I have found this blog to be a very healing tool for me, I thought it would be good to open up a bit more.
Today I decided to add the semicolon to my hand. I have been thinking about this for a while now because of its meaning. Fairly cliche, it holds a significant meaning for those of use that have experienced those that have attempted suicide, fallen to suicide, or fallen victim to suicide. As many fo you know, I attempted suicide on March 22nd, 2019. Thankful, I am still here. Learning to cope. Learning to deal with the challenges I am facing, but most of all, learning to love myself.
A therapist I am seeing also has the semicolon on their arm and it just hit me. I need to add this to my body. So I see it everyday. As a reminder my story is not over, although challenging and difficult, I am worth it to allow my story to still be written in my book of life.
So I sat down today, quickly drew out a semicolon and permanently added this to my body. A forever reminder to keep telling my story and not allowing myself to end it prematurely. I love the placement. I see it at all times. Unless of course when I have a glove on during a tattoo session. But it’s there. A reminder.
My journey is not over. My book has so much more to add. New chapters. A new glossary of definitions, I have so much more to do.
I know right now, you see me on Inkmaster, well, not that I have been on much as of lately, but you are seeing me. My true authentic self. Not the drama. Not the bullshit. But a man of reason and when I have something to say, I mean it. But I am happy because I haven’t found myself consumed by what is being shown. It isn’t defining who I am. Those fo you that have sat in my chair, know me as a friend, you see me and I have to remember that. My dad reminded me today that I have a wonderful circle of people that care and that I am not alone. Being your authentic self is so important and I am just now starting to understand that. Living a life that isn’t authentic, and being what you think the world expects you to be, will only make you feel empty. I don’t want that for any of you. I also don’t want that for myself.
So as I continue this journey of authenticity and permanently reminding myself that my story is not finished. There is no “period” to end my book. Only a semicolon, indicating a pause, typically between two main clauses, that is more pronounced, making a statement that I still have more to do here in this crazy thing called life.