I have had many ask if “Ink Master” led me to my suicide attempt due to what people hear about filming, living conditions, the backlash online, etc. Let me be very clear…ABSOLUTELY NOT!
My suicide attempt was a gathering of so much bullshit that I didn’t want to face, it led me down a pretty dark path. But filming Ink Master had nothing to do with any of that. I can’t say much about filming Ink Master earlier this year due to legal BS. But what I can say is yes, it fucked with my anxiety. So intensely that you start to see it hit me by episode 3. Unfortunately with editing, we don’t see the lashing Chris Nunez gave me, which led me to say during the mens decision to put someone at the bottom, me saying “I think mine was the worst, I should go to the bottom”. I was breaking under the environment I willingly chose to be apart of, I struggled to set aside the harsh critiques, trying to do what I love in environment that did not lend itself well to me and add on sleep issues, you get someone who does’t handle that atmosphere well. Clearly some of the other cast mates did just fine or better yet, were able to hide how they were feeling. I was not. And the beauty of editing shows me breaking but with no clear reason why at this point.
But for me, and I will speak for no one else, this wasn’t an easy place for me to be, because of how I think and act.. It’s one fo things you learn to just either love or hate about yourself. Im working on that “loving it” part.
Obviously I won’t be able for everyone to read this but I wanted to make sure there was a statement somewhere and a bit of a discussion about Ink Master and it having nothing to do with my attempt. I won’t give my depression to anyone thing or anyone person. It’s an accumulation of life and not dealing with it in a healthy light. Ink Master and the powers be (judges, producers, cast mates, etc) don’t have that much validity in my day to day life. They nor no one else led me to my attempt. I did that. Period